Are you living under a white light Iron Curtain? Does your neighborhood, development or town have an unwritten rule that white lights are traditional, chic, or just look better than colored lights for Christmas?
Throw off these phony airs and embrace the lights of your childhood. Start an outpost of traditional colorful Christmas lights inside and, more importantly, outside your home.
This white light mania reached its high point for me last year when I advocated for Marie Buonnano, who dared to put up colored lights in her Doylestown, PA development and was threatened with a $400 fine. Why are the colored lights so offensive?
And second, why does the color of Christmas lights even warrant the time of a neighborhood association? Don’t these people have better things to do? Obviously not.
According to the groupthink dictated by these neighborhood association types, people who enjoy the multi-color lights clearly need to be enlightened by them.
As Charlie Brown would say: good grief!
I have even read of couples who are mixed light marriages, deciding to alternate white lights and colored lights as decorations. Other mixed marriages put the colored lights on the tree and the white lights on the outside of the house.
I have to draw the line in the winter snow on this. It’s clear that colored lights are the true symbols of the holiday. They’re a longstanding tradition.
White lights are pretentious. White lights are blah. White lights are no way to truly get into the Christmas spirit.
The New York Times reports that of the thousands of strings of lights sold each year by a leading vendor, Christmas Lights Etc. of Georgia, and 70 percent are white. This has gone too far.
Since the white light zealots are trying to legislate Christmas decorating, I am going to use the power of my WPHT talk radio microphone to enact a common sense policy: I want to establish colored light zones this year.
We need bands of people saying “I will not give in to the pseudo sophistication of the white light lobbyists and wanna-be legislators! I will hang my multi-colored lights proudly and preserve the Christmas of our childhoods!”
Colored lights are not gaudy. They are real and authentic. They go with real trees and this trend toward artificial trees is another sign of a fake Christmas.
I’d love to know if you are living in a colored light zone. Let me know about outstanding towns that are truly traditional. I know that in DomTown, USA most homes are decorated with colored lights (in the spirit of democracy, we do not mandate this).
In DomTown , USA, the white-light crowd is in the less fashionable part of town. People shake their heads as they drive by these homes. And because the multi-colored light people are typically kind and generous, they often invite the kids from white-light homes over to their house so they can experience a real Christmas.
So if currently, the white light crowd outnumbers us 70 to 30 percent, let’s have a five-year plan to turn that around. I’m dreaming of a colored light Christmas. We will never get the federal deficit down in our lifetimes, so this goal may be more realistic.
Let me know if you’re a multi-color light family or one of those, uh, ahem, mis-guided white light homes.